Monday, December 19, 2005

Of Heavenly Marriages.

Well i am 22 now.

I am now in the final stages of my education(I may not pass out in 4 years and might get an extention, but that is a topic for a whole new blog). I am a little scared to enter the big bad world after living off my dad for all these years. Especially when my dad reminded me that he would like to have his credit card back in May when my semester gets over and i am expected to land a job. Also when my mom said she would like to get me married off in another couple of years. To a girl of her choice (same religion, caste and sub-caste, different family names and Astro Physics permitting saree wearing conservative girl from decent family. She can also be a right mixture of modern and traditional values to convince me that it is not such a bad deal after all. "See...she is a bit modern also!"). As if that didnt scare me enough she also asked me to find "suitable boys" in my college for my sister!

Some days back i attended the marriage of my cousin. Whole loads of junta landed from the "States". With their opulence. Cam-corders, Digi cams, cell phones and ipods as gifts. Make up kits for the young ladies in the family. Costly rugs and joint pain releiving vibrating magnetic devices for the old and arthritic ones. A whole suitcase full of candy and chocolates(some of them had liquor and i ate them all because the others did not like the taste :D). Assorted stationery items(BIC pens and Staedtler pen pencils). Some new born babies who are American citizens because they are born there. Huge suitcases with airline luggage tags. I couldnt believe i had so many relatives let alone so many of them in America. The women arrived a week earlier. Their husbands crash landed right on the marriage mandap because their connecting flight was delayed(your importance increases if you arrive late).

It was actually fun catching up with a lot of cousins after a very long time. They all had valuble advice on how to haul ass to the land of opputunities and each one of them took it upon himself/herself to render said advice in English. Accented English. With the appropriate slang and hand gestures. I fortunately had the added advantage of my dad standing right next to me making sure i was taking in every word like a sponge takes in water. It was also fun watching my dad trying to make conversation with them in English. Accented English again. C'mon dad it took them like just 4 years! Now was probably not the best of times to tell my dad that i have not yet booked my GRE date and have no immediate plans of doing it in the foreseeable future.

Change of location. I move onto the ladies side of the hall to say HI to a few lady cousins and also throw in some choo chweet stuff(for the babies/kids who are always carried around by their respective mother/grandmothers). All of them are simultaneously cribbing about the heavy kancheepuram pattu sarees. They just cant wait to get out of them. I would pay to see how comfortable they are in their business suits and skirts. Each fresh mom tried to cajole her flustered and confused baby/kid to say hi to me. I in turn had to say a lot of choo chweet stuff each time. Some of the kids were too young to pick up any accent. But all of them had chubby cheeks.

I move over to my mom to find out if i had stayed the appropriate amount of time and whether i could skip out. She pounces on me and starts telling me the significance of each ritual performed in the marriage. I realise that the muhurtam is the time when the bride and the groom put some sacred paste made of jaggery on each others heads and that muhurtam is not the time when the groom ties the mangalsutram. After the actual marriage there is another program called the "appaginthalu" where the bride is officially handed over to the groom. There is a lot of senti stuff involved like the bride's mother feeding her curd rice for the last time. This is when all the crying and handkerchief wringing happens. My mom was very quick to point out any discrepancies or deviations from what she perceived to be the original/actual ritual throughout the marriage. She was also very vocal in suggesting that she would allow no such mistakes in MY marriage!

The disadvantage of being a 20 something year old guy with a vehicle is that you just cant stay uninvolved in the marriage. Last minute needs are always conveyed to us with urgency and with a "the whole marriage depends on this" aura and we just have to do a perfect/rush job of it. That is how i found myself on the road at 5 am in the biting cold trying to find cow's milk and tamalapaakulu(pan leaves). I had to wake up a sleeping cow owner and watch while he milked his cow and then had to run over to mozamjahi market to get the required flowers and pan leaves. But i did manage to get back in the nick of time.

Around 3 pm i had lunch and then i left. The marriage passed off smoothly by my family standards. By now the photos must have come too. And in a couple of days the photos will be mailed to the junta far far away in a distant country. Yes they already left.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Geographic Personality Test.

#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################
Your personality type is RCOEI
You are reserved, calm, organized, egocentric, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Salt Lake City, Washington DC, Austin, Denver, Portland/Salem, Reno, Greensboro, Tucson, Minneapolis, Indianapolis, Raleigh/Durham, Greenville/Spartanburg and these international countries/regions Czech Republic, Croatia, Russia, China, Romania, Brazil, Germany, Slovenia, Switzerland, Israel, Poland, Taiwan, France, Caribbean, Guam, Mexico

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

21

Freud Inventory test.

Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.

Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.

An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).

An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.

A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.

Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.

The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.

Here are my results.

Freudian Inventory Results
Oral (26%) you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option.
Anal (63%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life.
Phallic (53%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Latency (30%) you appear to be overly practical; don't undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be 'impractical' to shun it.
Genital (70%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Career Inventory

Who am i? What am i gonna do?
Well here are the answers.

Career Inventory Test Results

Extroversion ||||||||||||||| 50%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 76%
Altruism |||||| 20%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 83%

You are a Planner, possible professions include - management consultant, economist, scientist, computer programmer, environmental planner, new business developer, curriculum designer, administrator, mathematician, psychologist, neurologist, biomedical researcher, strategic planner, civil engineer, intellectual properties attorney, designer, editor/art director, inventor, informational-graphics designer, financial planner, judge.
Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality tests.

Some online activity i engaged myself in due to extreme boredom.
Notice that both tests kind of contadict each other. Even though both asked almost the same questions and i gave completely honest answers.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Corporate Greed

Phew!!

What a waste of time thinking of dear old Bush. Next its gonna be Iran for pursuing their Civilian Nuclear Energy policy. WMD's will be found in Iran by UN inspectors. Lockheed will supply Tomahawk's. Corporates will drink free oil tainted with innocent Irani blood. (irani reminds me of Hyderabadi irani chai. *slurp slurp)

Neo liberalism and Free Market trade are two terms that are soo screwed. G-8 will write off debts of "poor" African countries that open up their markets to the world. Or to put is more subtly, they actively pursue "Economic Reforms". Couple these two terms with Democracy and you have the perfect sexy recipe for war. Any country that wants to use its resources for itself is a communist state. Venezuela. China. American companies can peddle their products without taxes in other third world countries because of "free market trade". But the Chinese textile industry has to pay taxes to sell their products in the Americas. Even with the taxes the American textile industry is threatened unless Bush invades China because China is producing clothes that have lethal biological and chemical substances in them!!

A U.S oil giant that recently went bankrupt could not sell its shares to a Chinese oil company because of Federal Govt intervention. They claim that the oil company is controlled by the Chinese Govt and a takeover would result in China dipping its beak into American oil pool (which is half filled with blood). Free Market Trade!!!

Kyoto protocol is bullshit because it will not allow corporates to violate with impunity Environmental guidelines. Now they can happily spew shit into the atmosphere.

India is a "responsible state" and hence has to identify and seperate its civilian nuclear sites before it pursues its Nuclear program. Washington has expressed serious concerns over New Delhi's understanding with the Irani Govt for supply of Natural gas over the next 25 years atleast. Washington is worried that Iran will use the money to build WMD!

What i hate most is the sugar coating. If you wanna punch me say "fuck you" and punch me. Dont say "oh my darling i love you. But the punch is the price you are paying for not punching me in my balls" and then punch me!

Friday, August 19, 2005

???

I have had a shitty day.

Gymming helps you to vent out your frustrations. With this noble thought in mind i go to the Gym and the song playing there is

Ab to ghar aa ja Saajan. Buhut dher kar di. (or something to that effect)

I cant be bothered to translate and listening to the song i am like
aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Here is another song that i like which for no reason whatsoever i am quoting here.

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
Pain
You know you're right

I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Lets talk about someone else
Steaming soup begins to melt

Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself

I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell
I have never felt this real

Pain
You know you're right
Pain

This song is by Nirvana. Which is the title of my previous post. Coincidence???

There is a wound on my leg. Whenever i wear trousers (to go to classes. otherwise i am in shorts or butt naked) it rubs against the wound and causes PAIN. There is this friend of mine who pointed out the other day that flies were feeding on the pus oozing out of the wound. Now the problem in life is whether i should construe his observation as a funny comment on my pathetic state or a show of concern on his part. hhmmm interesting?

Another friend of mine has come up with this interesting theory of the Zeroth night. Thermodynamics apparently has 3 laws it seems. (Dont bother to correct me if i am wrong). They are called the First, Second and Zeroth laws instead of First, Second and Third laws. The reason for this is that the Zeroth law was discovered(or invented?) after the First and Second laws and since the Zeroth law was more fundamental and basic in content it could not be named Third law which would imply that it follows the First and Second laws.

So applying this mammoth logic and analogy my friend has called the night before the "first night" as the Zeroth Night.

Now for those uninitiated in the subtle naunces of Indian cliches, First night is the night when the Married couple first have sex. Or to put it more aptly they "make love".

And i actually laughed. Through the pain. Because i am still wearing the trousers. Maybe i should change into shorts. Butt naked maybe...

Monday, August 15, 2005

Nirvana.

I have realised

-that life is more of a bollywood movie than a hollywood movie.

-that i am a normal sentimental idiotic human being like everyone else as opposed to the completely rational and logical superhero that i always thought i was.

-that the rules in life keep changing and you need to change accordingly. Otherwise you get left behind.

-that in the end it dosent even matter. In the end you are all alone. There are milestones and there are milesotnes. But they are exactly that. Just milestones. you got to move on and make the most of what is left with you.

That is probably why they are called milestones. You leave them behind and move onto the next milestone.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Of Brutes and Brutuses.

Julius Ceaser apparently said "Et tu Brutus" before dying. From then on, i beleive, the expression is used to signify backstabbing and betreyal especially by close and trusted friends.

Something weird has happened to my head offlate. I have been getting headaches too often in the last 2 months. And a visit to the doctor got me into Vijaya diagnostic centre for a CT scan. I lied down on a platform and i was sent into some machine and 10 mins later we were done. The report said everything was normal with me. Doctor said that i was thinking too much!!! Apparently thinking is bad for my health. My parents heaved a huge sigh of relief. They feared it might be a brain tumour or something. I was kinda dissappointed. I felt like my thunder was stolen. Imagine the number of things that i could have got done from people by using senti. Saying this was maybe the last thing that i will be requesting from them!!

Anyways i think the CT scan has left a lasting impression on me. The radiation they used to map my brain, i think, has messed up my grey matter. Weird thoughts and weirder ideas are filling my head ever since. For example consider the starting para. There is no reason why i put it there. People would think i was betreyed or something. Let me assure you no such thing has happened. In fact using the word "betrayed" itself is weird.

Coming to think of it i am sure my brain is messed up. I feel like (as Upamanyu Chatterjee said) there are people sticking their penises into my head,through the ears and nose(NOT mouth), and climaxing there and mixing their semen with my brain matter. That is a good way to mess up a brain.

I am also feeling weird about myself. I am feeling like a used condom. Used and cast aside. No. Actually i am feeling like a condom that has been used repeatedly till torn and then cast aside. An unavoidable necessity in an otherwise pleasurable experience. I feel like my skin is burning on my bones. I feel like i need a fire catharsis.

To conclude here are the lyrics of a song i like very much. I find new meaning to the lyrics each time i listen to the song.

Time by Pink Floyd.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.


I just love the lyrics.

P.S: i am thinking of changing the title of this post to " Of brutes, brutuses and bitches.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Life is Unfair!!!

You hear a lot of people cribbing about the injustice life metes out to them. That is stupid. To blame something as vague as "life" for what are essentially your mistakes is being idiotic to the highest degree and greatest power(yeah..i copied that from Flavours).

Life is actually very very fair. I cant stress this point enough. Well i actually can but i dont want to. Life is the fairest thing there ever is. Everybody gets what he/she deserves.

So people, can the crap like "life is unfair".

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Show has to go on

I got my bike to vizag yesterday.

It was a huge relief. Really felt Euphoric. Immediatly went for a ride and found this amazing restaurant called Alphaa which is a perfect Bawarchi clone. I had the most filling and divine meal in a long time. Almost 2 weeks. Then came out and had to smoke Kings again. It is surprising that the whole sity of vizag (or that parts that i am familiar with) does not have Classic Milds. That happens to be my favourite brand. And i also happen to hate Kings. But some tobacco is better than no tobacco.

Outside the restaurant i see a movie complex. 3 theatres in a row. And i think " wow this turned out just like RTC X Roads." (that is a place in hyderabad where you get the most divine biryani and the most varied collection of telugu movies within a few tens of metres.)So i go in for a second show movie. BUNNY. that is the name of the movie. It is a perfect example of what can be called a MASSS movie. Hero at his heroic best. Heroine has no much of a role except to look good, kiss the hero a few times and do a lot of stupid things.

Anyways. It was one of the most pleasantest nights of recent times. So come back and lie down and sleep does not arrive. Its far far away in a distant galaxy. Mind starts brooding over the past few days. Of the new academic low i have hit. That record is gonna stay for a long time. But those were unpleasant memories. So i force myself onto good thoughts. The good time i just had. Some funny things that happened in Vizag. Actually come to think of it a lot of funny things have happened in Vizag.

A guy walks upto my Friend in a bus, points to his chin and tells him" bhayya you have forgotten to shave". The guy actually had a Goatee beard. Both of us could not help laughing on his face.

We (me and my friend) were at this small hotel where afternoon meals cost 15 bucks. We had no other decent restaurant in the vicinity. Midway through the meal we ask for another helping of Curry. They guy gets it with his hands and serves us. He does not get it in a bowl or a bucket. He gets it with his bare hands. Right from the kitchen he walks with a bit curry in his hand and drops it right into our plate. We were so hungry that we continue to eat.

More about vizag later.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Pathecity Coefficient

An idle man's brain is a devil's workshop. Everyone must have heard this atleast once in their lifetimes. Well i am living in vizag currently. My brain is getting cooked in whatever juices surround it inside my skull. i am getting stewed in my own sweat.

I say enough is enough and strip down to bare essential. and lie down directly beneath the fan at full speed. Start reading Da Vinci code for the third time. By the time i finish the book i realise that i am still idle and that the bed is wet ....from my sweat (i have stopped pissing in my bed a long time ago).

So the brain, fluid and floating in brain juices and well cooked comes up with this theory of Pathecity Coeff. Now Pathecity Coeff is a positive real number. It is calculated over a time period T. T can vary between a few seconds to as many years as you want to appear pathetic over. A larger pathecity coeff indicates that you are more pathetic than the pathetic you can be if you have a low pathecity coeff.

A Pathecity Coeff of 10 means you have nothing to worry. You are still a man. Anything greater and you have to start worrying. A Pathecity Coeff less than 1 means great going. This means you are actually less pathetic than you were. It means you have improved over the time period over which you have calculated your Pathecity Coeff.

Now coming to how to calculate Pathecity Coeff. Imagine the worst moment in your life and give it a rating of 100. Imagine the best moment and give it a rating of 0 or as close to 0 as you can go. Then choose a time interval. Like say today morning and today evening. Now rate today morning on the scale you have just deviced. rate today evening on the scale you have just deviced in a manner similar to today morning. Then divide the latter time period rating by the former time period rating. That is divide today evening rating by today morning rating.

If you think you have arrived at your Pathecity Coeff then you are WRONG. Divide the number you got with 100 and multiply it with 100. Square it and then take its square root. Multiply it with e^100 and then divide it with e^100. And then you have your Pathecity Coeff.

My Pathecity Coeff calculated over the time interval T = last 3 days, is positive infinity. Something really good happened on Friday. On monday i wish i was dead.
If you have come till here then your Pathecity Coeff is greater than 10 calculated over the time interval T = time taken in reading this blog.

Go do something useful.

The Steel Man

The vizag journey begins.

I sweat and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...
and i sweat and i sweat and hence i sweat...
and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...

to be continued...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Hope

Hope my friend, is a very bad thing
- Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption.

In the same movie Tim Robbins says " Hope is a very good thing". Since the movie had a happy ending Tim Robbins seems more correct than Morgan Freeman. But what if Tim Robbins was caught escaping from the prison? Or Morgan Freeman was never let out of the prison? Then it would seem like hope is infact a dangerous thing.

According to the Architect in The Matrix, Hope is an illusion created by the Human mind to cancel out logic and reasoning. Now this definition of Hope is the most correct in my opinion. Human beings Hope. They hope that things go right for them. They hope to correct the mistakes they made in the past. They hope that they will get better than what they are. They dream because they have HOPE. They hope and dream and dream and hope.

The more they dream the more they desire. Here i would like to introduce two more terms. NEED and DESIRE. When a human feels the NEED for something then he acts in a way that would fetch him his needs. DESIRE is different. Desire need not always inspire action. You desire something does not necessarily mean that you go all out to get it. This is probably why they said "Necessity is the mother of invention" and not desire is the mother of invention.

But HOPE is the title of the Topic and hence i will stick with Hope. Hope inspires desire in a Human being. Hope kills you. You fall and you keep falling and you still keep Hoping. It is like a drug to an addict. It sucks you into its web. You just keep hoping that things will happen. You drown in your sorrows and you hope. You also dream. Hopes and Dreams. Wonderful combination. You keep on hoping and you reach a stage where it does not matter what is actually happening. Only your dream world matters. The dream world created by your dreaming whose basis is HOPE.

Many great philosophers have said that Desire is the root cause of all sorrow. But i feel hope is the root cause of desire

** Background music: Riders on the storm by The Doors. into this world we are thrown like a dog without a bone**

You desire something only because you hope and dream about it. It is different from needing something. If you need it you do something in the direction of getting it. But when it dosent matter whether you get it or not, that is when the problem arises. You dont actually need so you wont try getting it. But you dont stop dreaming about it. You HOPE that you get it. You hope that your life was different, that you havent wasted the time that you have wasted, that you had mugged for your quizzes insted of writing crap like this.

Insted you hope that someone will come and help you. You hope that Amith will put fundaes to you. You hope that you will be able to perform a miracle and finish in one night what has been teached over a semester. Now this is more ridiculous. You also actually hope that the paper will be easy. And when it is not you hope that the evaluation will be lenient. When that does not happen you hope that you will do better next semester. And next semester also the only thing you do is HOPE.

**Background music: Roadhouse Blues by The Doors... I woke up next morning and I got myself a beer.

Right now i am busy setting and hitting new lows in life. I am falling and falling downer and downer(if such a word exists) . And i am enjoying the fall. Because i am hoping better things are yet to come. Because i am hoping this is just a passing phase. It has become sort of impersonal. I am not feeling the pain i am supposed to feel. It is like i am watching a movie. No actually it is not even like a movie. It is like i am listening to s story narrated by someone. I am listening and predicting what new low the guy is gonna hit. That happens and i dont feel pain that i have hit a new low nor do i feel the pleasure of the story listener who has correctly predicted a twist in the story. NOTHING. I feel nothing. It is like i am a disinterested listener. My correct predictions of the story give me no pleasure. My falls give me no pain.

**Background Music: Fade to Black by Metalica....Life it seems to fade away....drifting farther everyday...

Actually it is a kind of blissful state to be in. But sometimes reality kicks in. When you feel the whole weight of the structure upon you. Then the demons come to haunt you. The best way to banish the demons is to start hoping about good things in life. How you are going to crack the next paper. How you are going to spend the next hoour productively. But for a few minutes the demons circle you. And those minutes are the most vicious. You feel like the room is closing in on you. The walls move closer. You feel claustrophobic. You feel like the whole world is plotting against you. naahh. You feel the entire cosmos is plotting against you. Now the worst part. You actually feel heroic fighting against the cosmos.

Hope my friends is a very dangerous thing.
- Srivatsa in his room on 22nd April 2005. After a prolonged fight with himself.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Update

This article is in response to the first piece of Hate mail i got. It is infact a Hate Comment. The Hate comment was in reponse to the Hicki artilce i have written.

Here is the Comment. For the purpose of lucidity i am assuming ANIMA to be a Girl. To be a member of the Female Community. To be a Woman.

anima said...

ok mr. under achiever..first off, ur spellings suck(try spell check).second, ur beyond pity..
third, ur lucky she still associates with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like u..my advice: GET A BLOODY LIFE!!..on second thot, thats asking for too much,GET A HOBBY..
ps:try a diary .that way its less embarassing for all of us..
BTW SHE'S MY SISTER..pyscho...

I really cannot beleive that i am actually pissing off people to the extent that they bother writing Hate mail. So here is a clarification first.

Anima, as far as i know the girl i was talking about has a younger sister whose name is NOT Anima. So there may have been a misunderstanding. A case of mistaken identity. If that is the case i see no point in retorting to this piece of shit you have written because your foolishness and stupidity are quite apparent in the way you have jumped to conclusions without checking the facts first.

But that may very well not be the case. You may be a cousin i have not heard of. A close friend who considers herself a sister. Or quite simply you may be her sister and anima might be your nickname. In that case you better take note of what i have got to say.


First off, If you have second "thots", then it is an irony that you are pointing out my mistakes. Why dont you try a Dictionary?

Second: I am beyond pity. Yeah thanks for telling me that.

Third: If she is still associating with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like ME, then as her sister you should be more concerned about her than me. Because something has to be wrong with her. Either that or i am NOT at all like you have described me. In either case you are the dumbass. The one that is shooting shit from her mouth just because she has one.

Tell your sister to get a life and ask her to stop "associating" with people like me. More importantly YOU get a LIFE. I actually wouldnt care about you and your life and hobbies if you stopped pissing and crapping in MY Webpage.

I will not mind publishing my thoughts on the net because i dont have anything to be ashamed of. If you are embarassed by what i have written, then here is an idea. Shut the fuck up and stop embarassing yourself further by making such stupid statements.

P.S: The whole article has been written under the assumption that you are a rational human being and that you have NOT written this comment just because your sister has told you some cock story about me. I am assuming that you have atleast listened to her version of what has happened. If that is not the case then GOD HELP YOU!!!.

P.S 2: I would be grateful if you tell me what inspired you to write the comment. That is, tell me the story that your sister told you. I promise that I wont delete it if you post it as a comment.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Rain

It is raining here in Chennai. After two weeks of blistering heat in the second fortnight of March, i was beginning to wonder how i was going to stay here in May. But then yesterday morning i woke up to the pleasant sound of rain hitting my window and the more than pleasant smell of sunbaked soil getting wet in the rain.

Today morning was no different. Except for the smell maybe. I usually need the slightest of excuses or sometimes no excuse at all to bunk my classes. And now it was raining. So i did not attend a single class these last 2 days. Whole 2 days were spent lazing around and watching movies. Inactivity reached its peak. The only interesting thing happening at that moment in my life was the inter hotel tennis matches. And they got cancelled because it was raining. So i was confined to my room. No physical activity of any sort.

Rain has this amazing effect on me. Especially rain in the middle of summer. It dulls and numbs me. Not only physically but also mentally. Meaning i dont even want to think when it is raining. Just lay around all day smoking and watching movies and eating pizza. Rain is an excuse i use to release myself. And do what i like to do most ...nothing. It gives me a sort of pleasure to see others also not do anything for a change. To see people who are usually busy and bustling with activity not doing anything. To see them helpless. To see them brought down to my level by forces greater than them.


Friday, February 25, 2005

hicki

hhhmmm...till a few hours ago i thought that hicki was shortform for hiccup. Poor me. Ignorant me. sometimes i wonder why humans crave for sympathy so much. Well i dunno about humans, i definetely like sympathy. Self pity. Feeling sorry for myself. Maybe it is a form of escapism. Running away from what u have to face. Not chiding yourself. Not correcting yourself.

Thing is i realised that hicki is not a hiccup when the girl i thought i loved told me that she GOT A HICKI for her birthday last year. Bad news is she did not get it from me.

Long distance relationships dont work. Period. For a relationship to last you need time and space together.(for an indepth analysis of this concept please refer www.sudhishkamath.blogspot.com. The analysis is his original creation). I have just started blogging and i am not very good at inserting links. So please bear with me.

6 years is a a very long period in a persons life. Lots of things can happen. Only thing is nothing happened in my life. I continued to feel something for her. Kept calling her. Tried striking a decent conversation with her. Ohh and btw...she lives 500 miles away from me. That is the reason i put the long distance relationships dont work dialogue in the last para. So...all this kept happening for a period of no less than 4 years. Finally a miracle happens. We get internet connectivity in our hostel rooms. And guess what...i add her to my messenger list(DuH!!)

We chat on and off for a few months. Then i get frustrated. (i am a perverted frustrated soul as it is. I will further elaborate on this in the coming paras). And under the anonymity that internet chatting provides i tell her that i love her. She takes it pretty well i thought. She tells me that i have made it quite clear in the past, through actions, that i have feelings for her. And i am happy. I reason out brilliantly that if she knew all this and is still tolerating me then at some level, sub concious nonetheless, she should also like me. I ask her if she likes me and she diplomatically answers that she dosent have any problems with me.

Now coming to the fact that i am a pervert. Well i am one. No denying the fact. No escaping the truth. I lech at every other female. I do wild things to them in my dreams. I hit on them in public internet forums. I arbitrarily ask them for their IM's. I ogle at them. I am such a big pervert that when a guy tells me that his best friend is "a very sweet gal", i am like "yeah da...that is why i want to taste her". I know...i am disgusting.

Coming back to the story. We continue chatting and then one day i come on pretty hard and ask her point blank if she loves me?. She tells me politely that i have not given other gals enough time or chance. ROFLMAO. Like i am brad pitt and the females are just waiting to jump into the sack with me. I ask her what the fuck does she mean by this and she tells me very clearly to go find some other gal.

OK i thought. i read and re-read sudhish kamath's blogs. Decide that i have to move on in life. U know,actually try and see if there is someother female waiting to brush me off. And so i delete her number and from my phone.

A few days later she buzzes me (on IM) nd starts talking very politely. I take out my anger on her. She is like i was always your friend. That was the moment when i wanted to bang my head into the wall. Now what the FUCK is this friendship funda??? Maybe she can remain unaffected in my presence knowing that i love her, but i cant do it. I can never be friends with her. If she shows some form of affection of care, however friendly it might be i will mistake it for love. And i know i will always be on the lookout to impress her. To win her. To try and show her what she is missing.(not much u might say)....remember that i am a pervert.

Cut to today night. I start a conversation which somehow moves onto kissing. The conversation went something like this.

She: u have never been kissed right? sounds like it.

Me:/*what the fuck. why does she want all this*/ how does it matter? Have u kissed?(btw...i have never kissed anyone.)

She: Yeah 3 times. /*I fall off the chair.*/. Actually i did not kiss them. They kissed me.

Me: Was it 3 different guys then?/*mind is numbed. dunno what i am talking*/

She: yeah.

Me: Who were these guys?/*head spinning in all directions*/. And what the fuck were u doing when they were kissing you? didnt you try to protest.

She: I was frozen. like a spectator in a play. It is very sad that u havent kissed anyone. c'mon u are 21, get it over with. I cant believe u are yet to have your first kiss.

Me: OMG. i cant beleive it. Who were these guys? and when did you have your first kiss?

She: first kiss was in 9th-10th vacation. Some guy in my colony. The second lasted just a few seconds. his name is rahul. he is somewhere in USA now. the third is actually a HICKI. Gaurav gave it to me for my birthday last year.

/*by now i did not know what was happening. i basically did not feel anything. it is just a kiss you might say. and probably after a few days i might also think the same. but at that point of time this was earth shattering news for me.*/

Me: what the fuck is a hicki?

she: it is a love bite. given on the neck. u bite and suck in. kinda hurts. leaves a red mark. turns some vague colour after a day.

Now this was torture. Why the details???? GOD please tell me why all those details. Couldnt she show me some courtesy and spare me the details. i felt like swallowing myself and die. well i felt a lot of things. Lots of them gross. I could not type. i could not do anything. anger mixed with indignation and hatred rose in me. but what could i do. NOTHING. i just stared at the monitor. Then i decided to do something and i called her something bad. she said she was offended and left the conversation. I wasbewildered. i roam on the streets. then i get a message from her on phone saying that she hates me. GREAT.

On a day when i was kicked out of the tennis courts for no fault of mine this was just the right kind of thing to get me back into the weekend party mood. Now at a time when all my friends are happily drunk and are crashing away to glory, here i am doing what i first mentioned in this post. Craving for sympathy. For some pity. Writing a blog so that people might read it and shower sympathy on me. Now am i disgusting or am i disgusting?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Its Over

Well ...Quiz time is over!!!

After a week of drudgery, i am now free again to explore the world of cinema and chennai night life without having to wake up before 8am the next morning. Classes are still on, but i can afford to bunk classes, cant bunk quizzes u see. The week where i had no sense of time, when the nights melted into dawns is finally over. Consuming endless amounts of caffeine and nicotine to keep the system running. Stomach upsets due to lack of sleep. And the vague taste in the mouth resulting from a mixture of stale tobacco and lack of sleep. aaahhhhh. horrible.

End of quiz time is an amazing time in my life. It brings with it some unexplainable freshness. The Chennai breeze feels cool and you are confident that you can go to the beach and come back without attempting suicide. When you can smoke for pleasure and not to prevent sleep. When Satyam beckons and Veroonas feels like walking distance away you must know that quizzes are over.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Quiz Time

Exam(we call them quizzes...probably coz they puzzle most of us most of the time) time in my college is typical. It will be an excellent case study for people studying psychology.

here is what i do during quiz time

i dont take bath for the whole quiz week and i dont shave either. that is becos it gives me a rugged worn out look. that way i atleast hope to fool some junta into beleiving that i have been studying(we call it MUGGING...apt dont u think) day in and night out. Offlate even this ploy is not working. :(

i sleep around noon and wake up when i cant sleep anymore. that would be because of all the mosquitoes that come from nowhere in the evenings and disturb me. Damn them!!!

Then i relegiously go to the coffee stall outside my hostel and have some coffee and a cigarette.
then comes the painful process of xeroxing notes. haha...u guessed right...i write no notes. For this i have to serach for some relaible guys notes. one who dosent bunk any classes and is very good at writing down whatever goes on in class. A lot of people turn up at the shop during this time. a typical conversation goes something like this.

me: started?

him: no da. just came to xerox notes.

me: where are u mugging from?

him: i have darisi's notes. i also have the text book. what abt u?.have u started?/*gives a sly smile*/

me: /*laughing*/ what do u think. ob i have not started. i dont even have the notes. macha get me a copy also da. i will pay u later.

The guy gives a dark look and moves on.

there are 4 xerox shops and they make a killing during quiz time. in fact they work more than us to get all the xeroxs done on time.

finally at around 7 i stroll into the mess, eat wahtever shit is served and go to collect my copy of the copy of the copy of the copy of the notes. yes that is how many times it has been recycled.
finally start to mug. take a half an hour break every fifteen minutes. hope that some enlightened soul comes to put fundaes to you. (that rarely happens u know). mug thru the night continuing the break routine.

sleep at 6 in the morning and wake up at 7.(now u know why i sleep in the noon ). go to the quiz 10 mins late. (it is a 50 min quiz btw...). and come out of the hall 5 mins before the quiz ends ( i would have come earlier but they dont allow people to go till it is 5 mins before the end...they firmly believe that if forced to stay in the exam hall, students have the tendency to rapidly remember what they have never studided and put it down on paper with blinding accuracy.)

then the routine continues for the next quiz. :)

and i call myself under achiever.
hehehe
that must be the worst case of self pity humanity must have ever come across.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Too much dreaming is not good for health

Hi Legolas

Long time no see. Whats up man? Whats the use of having some space on the world wide web when you dont use it...
i mean u put up a blog once in like 3 months. Dont u think you are abusing blogger's good will?

And what the fuck is that name...i mean what sort of a moron comes up with a name like that. LEGOLAS...hehehe...

And what is wrong with you these days. /*shakes head sideways sighing*/ Look at you. if someone saw you 3 years ago and then saw you now again i am sure they will have difficulty reconising you. Look at your hair. look at that stupid chain around your neck. And the less said about your attitude the better. You were the typical mama's good boy. Now pch..pch./*gives a very pained look*/

No studies. no spark in your life. u never do anything. just sit in your room. smoking. one day your life will end as the cigarette ends. burnt out./*stresses this point with explicit facial expressions*/. i mean what distractions can a 20 year old have. and it is not even like you are going out with some gal. everyone runs away from you. what have you done to yourself?.

some years down the line, if your son asks you"dad what have you done in life?"..(that is if u do get married...which i doubt very much) what will you say. WHAT WILL TOU SAY?/*shouts this aloud*/ son i have learnt to put smoke rings...or son i can get drunk and still not make a fool of myself...IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY? /*again shouts*/

3 years raa...3 years...what have u done ...what have u done which you can proudly say is an achievement. by chance or by hard work (chance mostly) you have landed yourself in an esteemed institution. now the institute is ashamed of you. if given a chance i am sure they will not give you your FUCKING degree./*verbally stresses the profanity*/. Where is your mark in the institutes history(and i am not talking about your name which you have written on your room wall,with THE WALL written below it). Where are your footprints. Where is your ass print on the couch of history??!!!(what an analogy...pat pat). /*pained expression again*/.

what happened to your dreams. your ambitions and you aspirations. your motivation.(yeah!!..i am attending TIME classes). where is the brilliant engineer that was supposed to come out of here?. What happened to him? did he die? in his sorrows...created by none other than HIMSELF.

Wake up. it is never too late. start life afresh. c'mon . wake up. ....********

*****WAKE UP U BASTARD..U HAVE A SLOT TODAY...YOUR ATTENDENCE IS LOW...U HAVE TO GO...WAKE UP.*******

i wake up. look bleary eyed at aditya my room neighbour. realise i have been dreaming again and tell him. " Macha, pack da. i told varun to puts proxy for me" . and then i go back to sleep.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Love Life. Live a Saarang

The work for me started 4 months ago. From preparing a brochure to setting targets and arriving at decent estimates. I was the Sponsorship Coordinator for what has become in the last two years, the mother of all college cultural festivals. The biggest and the best.

Most people would hold back before saying that. There are always two opinions when this issue crops up. Mood Indigo, IITB’s culturals is another contender for the “biggest and the best” title.

Speaking honestly and objectively as a third party not biased towards any of these cultural extravaganzas and as a person who has seen them both, I have to say that it is a close call. Saarang’s literary events are the best in India, while the same can be said about Mood I’s cultural events like fine arts. Saarang is the clear favorite in terms of number of participants and I can also say quality of participants. Mood Indigo scores in terms of crowd attitude. They have a more responsive audience which makes some events click.

But the single most important factor where Saarang scores and heavily at that is that it is completely student organized. From electing and choosing our Cultural representatives to planning the festival in its entirety, it is all done by US. We the students. The pleasure we get in organizing and conducting this cultural milestone year after year is immeasurable.

Take my case. Unlike most other coordinators my work started very early. Almost 4 to 5 months before the actual beginning of the festival. Initially it comprised a lot of bull work. Collecting contacts and going over them. The real work began some 3 months before Saarang. The process of contacting companies, making out a tailor made proposal for them. Something that attracts them. Something that shows that Saarang has a lot to offer.

Fixing up a meeting with prospective sponsors. The thrill of negotiating. Imagine 20 year olds talking in Lakhs of rupees. Man I really felt like some big shot industrialist when I was negotiating. The adrenaline surge as u take decisions on your own. Decisions involving lakhs of rupees. And finally the kick and pleasure in closing a deal. Signing on the dotted line on a stamped paper. *Phew*. It was one orgasmic journey.

There are a million other things. Friends who till then chided you for bunking classes come up to you buy you a cigarette and ask" How much is Nokia giving for Main spons da?" and you reply " dude the figures cant be revealed" like some legal hotshot. hehehe. Juniors coming up to you and asking for volships. Bossing over them. Wearing your badge proudly. Infinitesimal things which make u infinetely happy.

And during Saarang. The satisfaction of seeing your work bear fruit. When the big cheques come rolling in. When everything goes almost well. (whats life without a few hiccups). The sponsors crib and u negotiate again to satisfy them. Finally the ultimate moment. When they call u at the end of it all say that they are pleased with what has happened and would like to come I as a sponsor again next year. Ah that is the moment of glory.

I must honestly agree that I don’t know how Mood Indigo is organized. I don’t know if IITB students also go through this exciting journey. If they experience the same ups and downs. If they do then well and good. If they don’t them I hope they realize what they are missing.