Monday, July 17, 2006

Test Post

Just checking if my Blog is still working following the brouhaha that the Indian Govt has started censoring websites.

Recently my friend in Iran told me that Orkut was banned in Iran. And i, unfortunately, took the liberty of giving her a lecture on the democratic form of Govt in India. I probably should not have done that.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Currently tripping on this song by Greenday.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

Also Theirry Henry is going to Andamans today with family. And the Godfather is in Baroda. Atleast someone is having fun. Henry's skills in CS have improved a lot apparently thanks to his kid bro. He now gets to say LOL more than n1. ;). The tales of da mahn in Baroda will not be chronicled. The author is afraid.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Memoirs of a Sheesha

I was born out of boredom. Out of a sheer sense of unsatisfaction. And as such i tend to be neglected. Remembered only when needed. That dosent bother me much. Each being has its purpose and i serve mine more than adequately.

I am chimeric at best. Made of the most diverse pieces of trash possible. An empty coke mobile bottle, a ball point pen barrel, some water, some cardboard and some tape. I am used. As an accessory.

When i was young i was fascinated by myself. I looked very different from other beings. I felt proud. My creator gave me a fond look after bringing me into existence. It was obvious that he was proud of his creation. He immediately proceeded to test my efficiency. He stuck a cigarette into the bal point pen barrel -my arm- lit it and gave a mighty suck on the bottle neck. The barrel instantly filled with smoke and bubbled out of the water. My insides were filled with smoke. I watched in horrified fascination as he continued to suck for a long time till his insides were filled with smoke. He then exhaled and gave me a look of pure satisfaction. Of immense pleasure. Despite the smoke i was happy i performed well.

For a few days i was completely ignored. Left in a corner. Completely out of my creator's favour i thought. But then one fine day another cigerette was stuck into my arm. And i was back in demand again. This time there was another guy along with my creator. He too gave me a look of approval before proceeding to suck on the neck. The creator and his friend took turns sucking at the smoke before relegating me to my corner. I would be lying if i said i wasnt offended. I might be a coke bottle after all but use and throw!! But then soon he returned to stick another cigarette into my arm. Or atleast what i initially thought was a cigarette. As the sucking began a very vague smelling smoke began to fill my insides. The smoke repulsed me but i kept quiet(duh!! what else could i do. i was a coke bottle after all). My creator and his friend took turns sucking this vague smoke into their insides. They really looked happy after that. They kept smiling and laughing for the most time. It so happened that i was christened that day.

Creator: so?
friend: awesome dude! (lots of laughing)
lets call it Messi da. Because you made it.
Creator: *laughing uncontrollably.

I now had a name. Messi. I did not know if it had anything to do with the Argentinian striker. I was just happy i had a name. After that day conversations like " Dude, is Messi playing today?" became common. Soon 4 to 5 guys joined my creator in using me everyday. Then twice everyday and then i lost count. My creator was not my creator anymore. I was passed around like a bag of chips and then deposited in my corner. The water in me turned greenish yellow and was replaced and that turned yellow too. I acrid smell of the smoke was all i could remember.

The guys generally were irritated or unhappy when they start off with me. But after they are done they were always happy. This was the only bright spot in my otherwise sad and dreary life. They laughed a lot and listened to music and in general were happy. They talked much more.

1: who is playing France in the round of 16?
2: not yet decided.
1: cool! what is the capital of that country?

3: abbe c-lay, what could be the possible nick names of your alter ego?
4: c-dont lay?
3: no da. its b-uncle chip. copyrights reserved.
4: why cant it be d-uncle chip?
3: because i said copyrights reserved.

Meaningless conversations like these were accompanied be vociferous laughing bouts. I was sad and soon disgusted. Soon my insides turned greenish yellow like the water. My creator gave me one disgusted look and i was trashed. And my sister was born.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Its 5 in the morning
Why didnt i sleep?

I should stop thinking
Maybe start acting

stop thinking
stop thinking

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Seven Deadly Sins

I have committed/ am committing the following sins.

1. Procrastination
2. Gluttony
3. Sloth
4. Pride

4 out of 7. I am going to hell for sure. I am incapable of Envy and Wrath. I have never been tested at the alter of Lust.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


I tried remembering the past. As far back as i can go. Long Long time ago. Nothing came back at first. Then some vague mental images. Almost like watching a 70's Eastman color movie written on a very scratched CD. I was small. Tiny almost. Wearing a school bag. No NO. I think i can go back further. I was in my mom's arms and she was feeding me whilst showing every animal/human passing by on the street and telling me that it/they were about to grab the next bit of my food. So hurry up and eat it fast son! I used to fall for it every time.

Now i was wearing a school bag. I had the glummest(neologism?!) possible expression on my face. Maybe i did not want to go to school. I reluctantly walk out of my house followed by my mother holding my baby sister in her arms. She says bye. I turn around to say bye. My mom raises my sisters hand and waves it signifying that my sister is saying bye. I grab my sisters tiny tiny hand and pull her. She almost falls out of my mom's clutch. I turn around and go happily to school. I still smile when i think of it. I was jealous. Jealous that my baby sister was suddenly the darling of the household instead of me. My mother figured that out real quick and made sure i did not turn into some psycopathic killer.

Most of the memories up untill then are very vague. I dont know if they are actually my mental images or images that i later recreated when my mom told me stories about my childhood when i was say 12 or 13 years old. They are sketchy at best but sometimes the colours are vivid. I remember that i was wearing khakhi uniform to my school. I had a green colour basket with pink hoops to take my lunch in. Some details are etched in memory. Some are not. Colours dominate. Feelings dominate. Instances and intensity fade.

I remember my first day at school. Vividly. Of my own recollection. My parents prepared me. I knew they were gonna leave me. Bitter tears welled up in my eyes. I blinked hard. My parents left me with my teacher and slowly left waving to me all the time. I turned and clutched the railing and stared horrified at the retreating figure of my mom. I swallowed hard to suppress the black bile that was raising in my throat. I was angry with the world. I wanted to cry. I did not cry. I was made to sit in the last bench ( i was tall back then too). I resolutely stared at the black board. All the while making a conscious effort not to cry. Other kids around me were howling. After sometime the teacher lost patience and yelled at some poor kid. He urinated right there. I watched in horror as the yellow liquid wetted his shorts and trickled down his thighs and into his shoes and onto the floor creating a puddle. The kid just stood there too frightened to move. I decided that not crying was a lot better than wetting your pants(or shorts in this case) in public.

I stayed quite. I copied my notes. Made a note of my homework. I was (and still am) a left handed person. That attracted quite a bit of attention from teachers and students alike. The teachers noticed that my handwriting was amazing and then realised that i never made a racket in class. And presto! i became the class monitor.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Of Heavenly Marriages.

Well i am 22 now.

I am now in the final stages of my education(I may not pass out in 4 years and might get an extention, but that is a topic for a whole new blog). I am a little scared to enter the big bad world after living off my dad for all these years. Especially when my dad reminded me that he would like to have his credit card back in May when my semester gets over and i am expected to land a job. Also when my mom said she would like to get me married off in another couple of years. To a girl of her choice (same religion, caste and sub-caste, different family names and Astro Physics permitting saree wearing conservative girl from decent family. She can also be a right mixture of modern and traditional values to convince me that it is not such a bad deal after all. "See...she is a bit modern also!"). As if that didnt scare me enough she also asked me to find "suitable boys" in my college for my sister!

Some days back i attended the marriage of my cousin. Whole loads of junta landed from the "States". With their opulence. Cam-corders, Digi cams, cell phones and ipods as gifts. Make up kits for the young ladies in the family. Costly rugs and joint pain releiving vibrating magnetic devices for the old and arthritic ones. A whole suitcase full of candy and chocolates(some of them had liquor and i ate them all because the others did not like the taste :D). Assorted stationery items(BIC pens and Staedtler pen pencils). Some new born babies who are American citizens because they are born there. Huge suitcases with airline luggage tags. I couldnt believe i had so many relatives let alone so many of them in America. The women arrived a week earlier. Their husbands crash landed right on the marriage mandap because their connecting flight was delayed(your importance increases if you arrive late).

It was actually fun catching up with a lot of cousins after a very long time. They all had valuble advice on how to haul ass to the land of opputunities and each one of them took it upon himself/herself to render said advice in English. Accented English. With the appropriate slang and hand gestures. I fortunately had the added advantage of my dad standing right next to me making sure i was taking in every word like a sponge takes in water. It was also fun watching my dad trying to make conversation with them in English. Accented English again. C'mon dad it took them like just 4 years! Now was probably not the best of times to tell my dad that i have not yet booked my GRE date and have no immediate plans of doing it in the foreseeable future.

Change of location. I move onto the ladies side of the hall to say HI to a few lady cousins and also throw in some choo chweet stuff(for the babies/kids who are always carried around by their respective mother/grandmothers). All of them are simultaneously cribbing about the heavy kancheepuram pattu sarees. They just cant wait to get out of them. I would pay to see how comfortable they are in their business suits and skirts. Each fresh mom tried to cajole her flustered and confused baby/kid to say hi to me. I in turn had to say a lot of choo chweet stuff each time. Some of the kids were too young to pick up any accent. But all of them had chubby cheeks.

I move over to my mom to find out if i had stayed the appropriate amount of time and whether i could skip out. She pounces on me and starts telling me the significance of each ritual performed in the marriage. I realise that the muhurtam is the time when the bride and the groom put some sacred paste made of jaggery on each others heads and that muhurtam is not the time when the groom ties the mangalsutram. After the actual marriage there is another program called the "appaginthalu" where the bride is officially handed over to the groom. There is a lot of senti stuff involved like the bride's mother feeding her curd rice for the last time. This is when all the crying and handkerchief wringing happens. My mom was very quick to point out any discrepancies or deviations from what she perceived to be the original/actual ritual throughout the marriage. She was also very vocal in suggesting that she would allow no such mistakes in MY marriage!

The disadvantage of being a 20 something year old guy with a vehicle is that you just cant stay uninvolved in the marriage. Last minute needs are always conveyed to us with urgency and with a "the whole marriage depends on this" aura and we just have to do a perfect/rush job of it. That is how i found myself on the road at 5 am in the biting cold trying to find cow's milk and tamalapaakulu(pan leaves). I had to wake up a sleeping cow owner and watch while he milked his cow and then had to run over to mozamjahi market to get the required flowers and pan leaves. But i did manage to get back in the nick of time.

Around 3 pm i had lunch and then i left. The marriage passed off smoothly by my family standards. By now the photos must have come too. And in a couple of days the photos will be mailed to the junta far far away in a distant country. Yes they already left.