I got my bike to vizag yesterday.
It was a huge relief. Really felt Euphoric. Immediatly went for a ride and found this amazing restaurant called Alphaa which is a perfect Bawarchi clone. I had the most filling and divine meal in a long time. Almost 2 weeks. Then came out and had to smoke Kings again. It is surprising that the whole sity of vizag (or that parts that i am familiar with) does not have Classic Milds. That happens to be my favourite brand. And i also happen to hate Kings. But some tobacco is better than no tobacco.
Outside the restaurant i see a movie complex. 3 theatres in a row. And i think " wow this turned out just like RTC X Roads." (that is a place in hyderabad where you get the most divine biryani and the most varied collection of telugu movies within a few tens of metres.)So i go in for a second show movie. BUNNY. that is the name of the movie. It is a perfect example of what can be called a MASSS movie. Hero at his heroic best. Heroine has no much of a role except to look good, kiss the hero a few times and do a lot of stupid things.
Anyways. It was one of the most pleasantest nights of recent times. So come back and lie down and sleep does not arrive. Its far far away in a distant galaxy. Mind starts brooding over the past few days. Of the new academic low i have hit. That record is gonna stay for a long time. But those were unpleasant memories. So i force myself onto good thoughts. The good time i just had. Some funny things that happened in Vizag. Actually come to think of it a lot of funny things have happened in Vizag.
A guy walks upto my Friend in a bus, points to his chin and tells him" bhayya you have forgotten to shave". The guy actually had a Goatee beard. Both of us could not help laughing on his face.
We (me and my friend) were at this small hotel where afternoon meals cost 15 bucks. We had no other decent restaurant in the vicinity. Midway through the meal we ask for another helping of Curry. They guy gets it with his hands and serves us. He does not get it in a bowl or a bucket. He gets it with his bare hands. Right from the kitchen he walks with a bit curry in his hand and drops it right into our plate. We were so hungry that we continue to eat.
More about vizag later.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
Pathecity Coefficient
An idle man's brain is a devil's workshop. Everyone must have heard this atleast once in their lifetimes. Well i am living in vizag currently. My brain is getting cooked in whatever juices surround it inside my skull. i am getting stewed in my own sweat.
I say enough is enough and strip down to bare essential. and lie down directly beneath the fan at full speed. Start reading Da Vinci code for the third time. By the time i finish the book i realise that i am still idle and that the bed is wet ....from my sweat (i have stopped pissing in my bed a long time ago).
So the brain, fluid and floating in brain juices and well cooked comes up with this theory of Pathecity Coeff. Now Pathecity Coeff is a positive real number. It is calculated over a time period T. T can vary between a few seconds to as many years as you want to appear pathetic over. A larger pathecity coeff indicates that you are more pathetic than the pathetic you can be if you have a low pathecity coeff.
A Pathecity Coeff of 10 means you have nothing to worry. You are still a man. Anything greater and you have to start worrying. A Pathecity Coeff less than 1 means great going. This means you are actually less pathetic than you were. It means you have improved over the time period over which you have calculated your Pathecity Coeff.
Now coming to how to calculate Pathecity Coeff. Imagine the worst moment in your life and give it a rating of 100. Imagine the best moment and give it a rating of 0 or as close to 0 as you can go. Then choose a time interval. Like say today morning and today evening. Now rate today morning on the scale you have just deviced. rate today evening on the scale you have just deviced in a manner similar to today morning. Then divide the latter time period rating by the former time period rating. That is divide today evening rating by today morning rating.
If you think you have arrived at your Pathecity Coeff then you are WRONG. Divide the number you got with 100 and multiply it with 100. Square it and then take its square root. Multiply it with e^100 and then divide it with e^100. And then you have your Pathecity Coeff.
My Pathecity Coeff calculated over the time interval T = last 3 days, is positive infinity. Something really good happened on Friday. On monday i wish i was dead.
If you have come till here then your Pathecity Coeff is greater than 10 calculated over the time interval T = time taken in reading this blog.
Go do something useful.
I say enough is enough and strip down to bare essential. and lie down directly beneath the fan at full speed. Start reading Da Vinci code for the third time. By the time i finish the book i realise that i am still idle and that the bed is wet ....from my sweat (i have stopped pissing in my bed a long time ago).
So the brain, fluid and floating in brain juices and well cooked comes up with this theory of Pathecity Coeff. Now Pathecity Coeff is a positive real number. It is calculated over a time period T. T can vary between a few seconds to as many years as you want to appear pathetic over. A larger pathecity coeff indicates that you are more pathetic than the pathetic you can be if you have a low pathecity coeff.
A Pathecity Coeff of 10 means you have nothing to worry. You are still a man. Anything greater and you have to start worrying. A Pathecity Coeff less than 1 means great going. This means you are actually less pathetic than you were. It means you have improved over the time period over which you have calculated your Pathecity Coeff.
Now coming to how to calculate Pathecity Coeff. Imagine the worst moment in your life and give it a rating of 100. Imagine the best moment and give it a rating of 0 or as close to 0 as you can go. Then choose a time interval. Like say today morning and today evening. Now rate today morning on the scale you have just deviced. rate today evening on the scale you have just deviced in a manner similar to today morning. Then divide the latter time period rating by the former time period rating. That is divide today evening rating by today morning rating.
If you think you have arrived at your Pathecity Coeff then you are WRONG. Divide the number you got with 100 and multiply it with 100. Square it and then take its square root. Multiply it with e^100 and then divide it with e^100. And then you have your Pathecity Coeff.
My Pathecity Coeff calculated over the time interval T = last 3 days, is positive infinity. Something really good happened on Friday. On monday i wish i was dead.
If you have come till here then your Pathecity Coeff is greater than 10 calculated over the time interval T = time taken in reading this blog.
Go do something useful.
The Steel Man
The vizag journey begins.
I sweat and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...
and i sweat and i sweat and hence i sweat...
and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...
to be continued...
I sweat and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...
and i sweat and i sweat and hence i sweat...
and i drink coconut milk and lime juice...
to be continued...
Friday, April 22, 2005
Hope
Hope my friend, is a very bad thing
- Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption.
In the same movie Tim Robbins says " Hope is a very good thing". Since the movie had a happy ending Tim Robbins seems more correct than Morgan Freeman. But what if Tim Robbins was caught escaping from the prison? Or Morgan Freeman was never let out of the prison? Then it would seem like hope is infact a dangerous thing.
According to the Architect in The Matrix, Hope is an illusion created by the Human mind to cancel out logic and reasoning. Now this definition of Hope is the most correct in my opinion. Human beings Hope. They hope that things go right for them. They hope to correct the mistakes they made in the past. They hope that they will get better than what they are. They dream because they have HOPE. They hope and dream and dream and hope.
The more they dream the more they desire. Here i would like to introduce two more terms. NEED and DESIRE. When a human feels the NEED for something then he acts in a way that would fetch him his needs. DESIRE is different. Desire need not always inspire action. You desire something does not necessarily mean that you go all out to get it. This is probably why they said "Necessity is the mother of invention" and not desire is the mother of invention.
But HOPE is the title of the Topic and hence i will stick with Hope. Hope inspires desire in a Human being. Hope kills you. You fall and you keep falling and you still keep Hoping. It is like a drug to an addict. It sucks you into its web. You just keep hoping that things will happen. You drown in your sorrows and you hope. You also dream. Hopes and Dreams. Wonderful combination. You keep on hoping and you reach a stage where it does not matter what is actually happening. Only your dream world matters. The dream world created by your dreaming whose basis is HOPE.
Many great philosophers have said that Desire is the root cause of all sorrow. But i feel hope is the root cause of desire
** Background music: Riders on the storm by The Doors. into this world we are thrown like a dog without a bone**
You desire something only because you hope and dream about it. It is different from needing something. If you need it you do something in the direction of getting it. But when it dosent matter whether you get it or not, that is when the problem arises. You dont actually need so you wont try getting it. But you dont stop dreaming about it. You HOPE that you get it. You hope that your life was different, that you havent wasted the time that you have wasted, that you had mugged for your quizzes insted of writing crap like this.
Insted you hope that someone will come and help you. You hope that Amith will put fundaes to you. You hope that you will be able to perform a miracle and finish in one night what has been teached over a semester. Now this is more ridiculous. You also actually hope that the paper will be easy. And when it is not you hope that the evaluation will be lenient. When that does not happen you hope that you will do better next semester. And next semester also the only thing you do is HOPE.
**Background music: Roadhouse Blues by The Doors... I woke up next morning and I got myself a beer.
Right now i am busy setting and hitting new lows in life. I am falling and falling downer and downer(if such a word exists) . And i am enjoying the fall. Because i am hoping better things are yet to come. Because i am hoping this is just a passing phase. It has become sort of impersonal. I am not feeling the pain i am supposed to feel. It is like i am watching a movie. No actually it is not even like a movie. It is like i am listening to s story narrated by someone. I am listening and predicting what new low the guy is gonna hit. That happens and i dont feel pain that i have hit a new low nor do i feel the pleasure of the story listener who has correctly predicted a twist in the story. NOTHING. I feel nothing. It is like i am a disinterested listener. My correct predictions of the story give me no pleasure. My falls give me no pain.
**Background Music: Fade to Black by Metalica....Life it seems to fade away....drifting farther everyday...
Actually it is a kind of blissful state to be in. But sometimes reality kicks in. When you feel the whole weight of the structure upon you. Then the demons come to haunt you. The best way to banish the demons is to start hoping about good things in life. How you are going to crack the next paper. How you are going to spend the next hoour productively. But for a few minutes the demons circle you. And those minutes are the most vicious. You feel like the room is closing in on you. The walls move closer. You feel claustrophobic. You feel like the whole world is plotting against you. naahh. You feel the entire cosmos is plotting against you. Now the worst part. You actually feel heroic fighting against the cosmos.
Hope my friends is a very dangerous thing.
- Srivatsa in his room on 22nd April 2005. After a prolonged fight with himself.
- Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption.
In the same movie Tim Robbins says " Hope is a very good thing". Since the movie had a happy ending Tim Robbins seems more correct than Morgan Freeman. But what if Tim Robbins was caught escaping from the prison? Or Morgan Freeman was never let out of the prison? Then it would seem like hope is infact a dangerous thing.
According to the Architect in The Matrix, Hope is an illusion created by the Human mind to cancel out logic and reasoning. Now this definition of Hope is the most correct in my opinion. Human beings Hope. They hope that things go right for them. They hope to correct the mistakes they made in the past. They hope that they will get better than what they are. They dream because they have HOPE. They hope and dream and dream and hope.
The more they dream the more they desire. Here i would like to introduce two more terms. NEED and DESIRE. When a human feels the NEED for something then he acts in a way that would fetch him his needs. DESIRE is different. Desire need not always inspire action. You desire something does not necessarily mean that you go all out to get it. This is probably why they said "Necessity is the mother of invention" and not desire is the mother of invention.
But HOPE is the title of the Topic and hence i will stick with Hope. Hope inspires desire in a Human being. Hope kills you. You fall and you keep falling and you still keep Hoping. It is like a drug to an addict. It sucks you into its web. You just keep hoping that things will happen. You drown in your sorrows and you hope. You also dream. Hopes and Dreams. Wonderful combination. You keep on hoping and you reach a stage where it does not matter what is actually happening. Only your dream world matters. The dream world created by your dreaming whose basis is HOPE.
Many great philosophers have said that Desire is the root cause of all sorrow. But i feel hope is the root cause of desire
** Background music: Riders on the storm by The Doors. into this world we are thrown like a dog without a bone**
You desire something only because you hope and dream about it. It is different from needing something. If you need it you do something in the direction of getting it. But when it dosent matter whether you get it or not, that is when the problem arises. You dont actually need so you wont try getting it. But you dont stop dreaming about it. You HOPE that you get it. You hope that your life was different, that you havent wasted the time that you have wasted, that you had mugged for your quizzes insted of writing crap like this.
Insted you hope that someone will come and help you. You hope that Amith will put fundaes to you. You hope that you will be able to perform a miracle and finish in one night what has been teached over a semester. Now this is more ridiculous. You also actually hope that the paper will be easy. And when it is not you hope that the evaluation will be lenient. When that does not happen you hope that you will do better next semester. And next semester also the only thing you do is HOPE.
**Background music: Roadhouse Blues by The Doors... I woke up next morning and I got myself a beer.
Right now i am busy setting and hitting new lows in life. I am falling and falling downer and downer(if such a word exists) . And i am enjoying the fall. Because i am hoping better things are yet to come. Because i am hoping this is just a passing phase. It has become sort of impersonal. I am not feeling the pain i am supposed to feel. It is like i am watching a movie. No actually it is not even like a movie. It is like i am listening to s story narrated by someone. I am listening and predicting what new low the guy is gonna hit. That happens and i dont feel pain that i have hit a new low nor do i feel the pleasure of the story listener who has correctly predicted a twist in the story. NOTHING. I feel nothing. It is like i am a disinterested listener. My correct predictions of the story give me no pleasure. My falls give me no pain.
**Background Music: Fade to Black by Metalica....Life it seems to fade away....drifting farther everyday...
Actually it is a kind of blissful state to be in. But sometimes reality kicks in. When you feel the whole weight of the structure upon you. Then the demons come to haunt you. The best way to banish the demons is to start hoping about good things in life. How you are going to crack the next paper. How you are going to spend the next hoour productively. But for a few minutes the demons circle you. And those minutes are the most vicious. You feel like the room is closing in on you. The walls move closer. You feel claustrophobic. You feel like the whole world is plotting against you. naahh. You feel the entire cosmos is plotting against you. Now the worst part. You actually feel heroic fighting against the cosmos.
Hope my friends is a very dangerous thing.
- Srivatsa in his room on 22nd April 2005. After a prolonged fight with himself.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Update
This article is in response to the first piece of Hate mail i got. It is infact a Hate Comment. The Hate comment was in reponse to the Hicki artilce i have written.
Here is the Comment. For the purpose of lucidity i am assuming ANIMA to be a Girl. To be a member of the Female Community. To be a Woman.
anima said...
ok mr. under achiever..first off, ur spellings suck(try spell check).second, ur beyond pity..
third, ur lucky she still associates with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like u..my advice: GET A BLOODY LIFE!!..on second thot, thats asking for too much,GET A HOBBY..
ps:try a diary .that way its less embarassing for all of us..
BTW SHE'S MY SISTER..pyscho...
I really cannot beleive that i am actually pissing off people to the extent that they bother writing Hate mail. So here is a clarification first.
Anima, as far as i know the girl i was talking about has a younger sister whose name is NOT Anima. So there may have been a misunderstanding. A case of mistaken identity. If that is the case i see no point in retorting to this piece of shit you have written because your foolishness and stupidity are quite apparent in the way you have jumped to conclusions without checking the facts first.
But that may very well not be the case. You may be a cousin i have not heard of. A close friend who considers herself a sister. Or quite simply you may be her sister and anima might be your nickname. In that case you better take note of what i have got to say.
First off, If you have second "thots", then it is an irony that you are pointing out my mistakes. Why dont you try a Dictionary?
Second: I am beyond pity. Yeah thanks for telling me that.
Third: If she is still associating with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like ME, then as her sister you should be more concerned about her than me. Because something has to be wrong with her. Either that or i am NOT at all like you have described me. In either case you are the dumbass. The one that is shooting shit from her mouth just because she has one.
Tell your sister to get a life and ask her to stop "associating" with people like me. More importantly YOU get a LIFE. I actually wouldnt care about you and your life and hobbies if you stopped pissing and crapping in MY Webpage.
I will not mind publishing my thoughts on the net because i dont have anything to be ashamed of. If you are embarassed by what i have written, then here is an idea. Shut the fuck up and stop embarassing yourself further by making such stupid statements.
P.S: The whole article has been written under the assumption that you are a rational human being and that you have NOT written this comment just because your sister has told you some cock story about me. I am assuming that you have atleast listened to her version of what has happened. If that is not the case then GOD HELP YOU!!!.
P.S 2: I would be grateful if you tell me what inspired you to write the comment. That is, tell me the story that your sister told you. I promise that I wont delete it if you post it as a comment.
Here is the Comment. For the purpose of lucidity i am assuming ANIMA to be a Girl. To be a member of the Female Community. To be a Woman.
anima said...
ok mr. under achiever..first off, ur spellings suck(try spell check).second, ur beyond pity..
third, ur lucky she still associates with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like u..my advice: GET A BLOODY LIFE!!..on second thot, thats asking for too much,GET A HOBBY..
ps:try a diary .that way its less embarassing for all of us..
BTW SHE'S MY SISTER..pyscho...
I really cannot beleive that i am actually pissing off people to the extent that they bother writing Hate mail. So here is a clarification first.
Anima, as far as i know the girl i was talking about has a younger sister whose name is NOT Anima. So there may have been a misunderstanding. A case of mistaken identity. If that is the case i see no point in retorting to this piece of shit you have written because your foolishness and stupidity are quite apparent in the way you have jumped to conclusions without checking the facts first.
But that may very well not be the case. You may be a cousin i have not heard of. A close friend who considers herself a sister. Or quite simply you may be her sister and anima might be your nickname. In that case you better take note of what i have got to say.
First off, If you have second "thots", then it is an irony that you are pointing out my mistakes. Why dont you try a Dictionary?
Second: I am beyond pity. Yeah thanks for telling me that.
Third: If she is still associating with a selfconfessed disgusting,pity seeking,pita* "pervert" like ME, then as her sister you should be more concerned about her than me. Because something has to be wrong with her. Either that or i am NOT at all like you have described me. In either case you are the dumbass. The one that is shooting shit from her mouth just because she has one.
Tell your sister to get a life and ask her to stop "associating" with people like me. More importantly YOU get a LIFE. I actually wouldnt care about you and your life and hobbies if you stopped pissing and crapping in MY Webpage.
I will not mind publishing my thoughts on the net because i dont have anything to be ashamed of. If you are embarassed by what i have written, then here is an idea. Shut the fuck up and stop embarassing yourself further by making such stupid statements.
P.S: The whole article has been written under the assumption that you are a rational human being and that you have NOT written this comment just because your sister has told you some cock story about me. I am assuming that you have atleast listened to her version of what has happened. If that is not the case then GOD HELP YOU!!!.
P.S 2: I would be grateful if you tell me what inspired you to write the comment. That is, tell me the story that your sister told you. I promise that I wont delete it if you post it as a comment.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Rain
It is raining here in Chennai. After two weeks of blistering heat in the second fortnight of March, i was beginning to wonder how i was going to stay here in May. But then yesterday morning i woke up to the pleasant sound of rain hitting my window and the more than pleasant smell of sunbaked soil getting wet in the rain.
Today morning was no different. Except for the smell maybe. I usually need the slightest of excuses or sometimes no excuse at all to bunk my classes. And now it was raining. So i did not attend a single class these last 2 days. Whole 2 days were spent lazing around and watching movies. Inactivity reached its peak. The only interesting thing happening at that moment in my life was the inter hotel tennis matches. And they got cancelled because it was raining. So i was confined to my room. No physical activity of any sort.
Rain has this amazing effect on me. Especially rain in the middle of summer. It dulls and numbs me. Not only physically but also mentally. Meaning i dont even want to think when it is raining. Just lay around all day smoking and watching movies and eating pizza. Rain is an excuse i use to release myself. And do what i like to do most ...nothing. It gives me a sort of pleasure to see others also not do anything for a change. To see people who are usually busy and bustling with activity not doing anything. To see them helpless. To see them brought down to my level by forces greater than them.
Today morning was no different. Except for the smell maybe. I usually need the slightest of excuses or sometimes no excuse at all to bunk my classes. And now it was raining. So i did not attend a single class these last 2 days. Whole 2 days were spent lazing around and watching movies. Inactivity reached its peak. The only interesting thing happening at that moment in my life was the inter hotel tennis matches. And they got cancelled because it was raining. So i was confined to my room. No physical activity of any sort.
Rain has this amazing effect on me. Especially rain in the middle of summer. It dulls and numbs me. Not only physically but also mentally. Meaning i dont even want to think when it is raining. Just lay around all day smoking and watching movies and eating pizza. Rain is an excuse i use to release myself. And do what i like to do most ...nothing. It gives me a sort of pleasure to see others also not do anything for a change. To see people who are usually busy and bustling with activity not doing anything. To see them helpless. To see them brought down to my level by forces greater than them.
Friday, February 25, 2005
hicki
hhhmmm...till a few hours ago i thought that hicki was shortform for hiccup. Poor me. Ignorant me. sometimes i wonder why humans crave for sympathy so much. Well i dunno about humans, i definetely like sympathy. Self pity. Feeling sorry for myself. Maybe it is a form of escapism. Running away from what u have to face. Not chiding yourself. Not correcting yourself.
Thing is i realised that hicki is not a hiccup when the girl i thought i loved told me that she GOT A HICKI for her birthday last year. Bad news is she did not get it from me.
Long distance relationships dont work. Period. For a relationship to last you need time and space together.(for an indepth analysis of this concept please refer www.sudhishkamath.blogspot.com. The analysis is his original creation). I have just started blogging and i am not very good at inserting links. So please bear with me.
6 years is a a very long period in a persons life. Lots of things can happen. Only thing is nothing happened in my life. I continued to feel something for her. Kept calling her. Tried striking a decent conversation with her. Ohh and btw...she lives 500 miles away from me. That is the reason i put the long distance relationships dont work dialogue in the last para. So...all this kept happening for a period of no less than 4 years. Finally a miracle happens. We get internet connectivity in our hostel rooms. And guess what...i add her to my messenger list(DuH!!)
We chat on and off for a few months. Then i get frustrated. (i am a perverted frustrated soul as it is. I will further elaborate on this in the coming paras). And under the anonymity that internet chatting provides i tell her that i love her. She takes it pretty well i thought. She tells me that i have made it quite clear in the past, through actions, that i have feelings for her. And i am happy. I reason out brilliantly that if she knew all this and is still tolerating me then at some level, sub concious nonetheless, she should also like me. I ask her if she likes me and she diplomatically answers that she dosent have any problems with me.
Now coming to the fact that i am a pervert. Well i am one. No denying the fact. No escaping the truth. I lech at every other female. I do wild things to them in my dreams. I hit on them in public internet forums. I arbitrarily ask them for their IM's. I ogle at them. I am such a big pervert that when a guy tells me that his best friend is "a very sweet gal", i am like "yeah da...that is why i want to taste her". I know...i am disgusting.
Coming back to the story. We continue chatting and then one day i come on pretty hard and ask her point blank if she loves me?. She tells me politely that i have not given other gals enough time or chance. ROFLMAO. Like i am brad pitt and the females are just waiting to jump into the sack with me. I ask her what the fuck does she mean by this and she tells me very clearly to go find some other gal.
OK i thought. i read and re-read sudhish kamath's blogs. Decide that i have to move on in life. U know,actually try and see if there is someother female waiting to brush me off. And so i delete her number and from my phone.
A few days later she buzzes me (on IM) nd starts talking very politely. I take out my anger on her. She is like i was always your friend. That was the moment when i wanted to bang my head into the wall. Now what the FUCK is this friendship funda??? Maybe she can remain unaffected in my presence knowing that i love her, but i cant do it. I can never be friends with her. If she shows some form of affection of care, however friendly it might be i will mistake it for love. And i know i will always be on the lookout to impress her. To win her. To try and show her what she is missing.(not much u might say)....remember that i am a pervert.
Cut to today night. I start a conversation which somehow moves onto kissing. The conversation went something like this.
She: u have never been kissed right? sounds like it.
Me:/*what the fuck. why does she want all this*/ how does it matter? Have u kissed?(btw...i have never kissed anyone.)
She: Yeah 3 times. /*I fall off the chair.*/. Actually i did not kiss them. They kissed me.
Me: Was it 3 different guys then?/*mind is numbed. dunno what i am talking*/
She: yeah.
Me: Who were these guys?/*head spinning in all directions*/. And what the fuck were u doing when they were kissing you? didnt you try to protest.
She: I was frozen. like a spectator in a play. It is very sad that u havent kissed anyone. c'mon u are 21, get it over with. I cant believe u are yet to have your first kiss.
Me: OMG. i cant beleive it. Who were these guys? and when did you have your first kiss?
She: first kiss was in 9th-10th vacation. Some guy in my colony. The second lasted just a few seconds. his name is rahul. he is somewhere in USA now. the third is actually a HICKI. Gaurav gave it to me for my birthday last year.
/*by now i did not know what was happening. i basically did not feel anything. it is just a kiss you might say. and probably after a few days i might also think the same. but at that point of time this was earth shattering news for me.*/
Me: what the fuck is a hicki?
she: it is a love bite. given on the neck. u bite and suck in. kinda hurts. leaves a red mark. turns some vague colour after a day.
Now this was torture. Why the details???? GOD please tell me why all those details. Couldnt she show me some courtesy and spare me the details. i felt like swallowing myself and die. well i felt a lot of things. Lots of them gross. I could not type. i could not do anything. anger mixed with indignation and hatred rose in me. but what could i do. NOTHING. i just stared at the monitor. Then i decided to do something and i called her something bad. she said she was offended and left the conversation. I wasbewildered. i roam on the streets. then i get a message from her on phone saying that she hates me. GREAT.
On a day when i was kicked out of the tennis courts for no fault of mine this was just the right kind of thing to get me back into the weekend party mood. Now at a time when all my friends are happily drunk and are crashing away to glory, here i am doing what i first mentioned in this post. Craving for sympathy. For some pity. Writing a blog so that people might read it and shower sympathy on me. Now am i disgusting or am i disgusting?
Thing is i realised that hicki is not a hiccup when the girl i thought i loved told me that she GOT A HICKI for her birthday last year. Bad news is she did not get it from me.
Long distance relationships dont work. Period. For a relationship to last you need time and space together.(for an indepth analysis of this concept please refer www.sudhishkamath.blogspot.com. The analysis is his original creation). I have just started blogging and i am not very good at inserting links. So please bear with me.
6 years is a a very long period in a persons life. Lots of things can happen. Only thing is nothing happened in my life. I continued to feel something for her. Kept calling her. Tried striking a decent conversation with her. Ohh and btw...she lives 500 miles away from me. That is the reason i put the long distance relationships dont work dialogue in the last para. So...all this kept happening for a period of no less than 4 years. Finally a miracle happens. We get internet connectivity in our hostel rooms. And guess what...i add her to my messenger list(DuH!!)
We chat on and off for a few months. Then i get frustrated. (i am a perverted frustrated soul as it is. I will further elaborate on this in the coming paras). And under the anonymity that internet chatting provides i tell her that i love her. She takes it pretty well i thought. She tells me that i have made it quite clear in the past, through actions, that i have feelings for her. And i am happy. I reason out brilliantly that if she knew all this and is still tolerating me then at some level, sub concious nonetheless, she should also like me. I ask her if she likes me and she diplomatically answers that she dosent have any problems with me.
Now coming to the fact that i am a pervert. Well i am one. No denying the fact. No escaping the truth. I lech at every other female. I do wild things to them in my dreams. I hit on them in public internet forums. I arbitrarily ask them for their IM's. I ogle at them. I am such a big pervert that when a guy tells me that his best friend is "a very sweet gal", i am like "yeah da...that is why i want to taste her". I know...i am disgusting.
Coming back to the story. We continue chatting and then one day i come on pretty hard and ask her point blank if she loves me?. She tells me politely that i have not given other gals enough time or chance. ROFLMAO. Like i am brad pitt and the females are just waiting to jump into the sack with me. I ask her what the fuck does she mean by this and she tells me very clearly to go find some other gal.
OK i thought. i read and re-read sudhish kamath's blogs. Decide that i have to move on in life. U know,actually try and see if there is someother female waiting to brush me off. And so i delete her number and from my phone.
A few days later she buzzes me (on IM) nd starts talking very politely. I take out my anger on her. She is like i was always your friend. That was the moment when i wanted to bang my head into the wall. Now what the FUCK is this friendship funda??? Maybe she can remain unaffected in my presence knowing that i love her, but i cant do it. I can never be friends with her. If she shows some form of affection of care, however friendly it might be i will mistake it for love. And i know i will always be on the lookout to impress her. To win her. To try and show her what she is missing.(not much u might say)....remember that i am a pervert.
Cut to today night. I start a conversation which somehow moves onto kissing. The conversation went something like this.
She: u have never been kissed right? sounds like it.
Me:/*what the fuck. why does she want all this*/ how does it matter? Have u kissed?(btw...i have never kissed anyone.)
She: Yeah 3 times. /*I fall off the chair.*/. Actually i did not kiss them. They kissed me.
Me: Was it 3 different guys then?/*mind is numbed. dunno what i am talking*/
She: yeah.
Me: Who were these guys?/*head spinning in all directions*/. And what the fuck were u doing when they were kissing you? didnt you try to protest.
She: I was frozen. like a spectator in a play. It is very sad that u havent kissed anyone. c'mon u are 21, get it over with. I cant believe u are yet to have your first kiss.
Me: OMG. i cant beleive it. Who were these guys? and when did you have your first kiss?
She: first kiss was in 9th-10th vacation. Some guy in my colony. The second lasted just a few seconds. his name is rahul. he is somewhere in USA now. the third is actually a HICKI. Gaurav gave it to me for my birthday last year.
/*by now i did not know what was happening. i basically did not feel anything. it is just a kiss you might say. and probably after a few days i might also think the same. but at that point of time this was earth shattering news for me.*/
Me: what the fuck is a hicki?
she: it is a love bite. given on the neck. u bite and suck in. kinda hurts. leaves a red mark. turns some vague colour after a day.
Now this was torture. Why the details???? GOD please tell me why all those details. Couldnt she show me some courtesy and spare me the details. i felt like swallowing myself and die. well i felt a lot of things. Lots of them gross. I could not type. i could not do anything. anger mixed with indignation and hatred rose in me. but what could i do. NOTHING. i just stared at the monitor. Then i decided to do something and i called her something bad. she said she was offended and left the conversation. I wasbewildered. i roam on the streets. then i get a message from her on phone saying that she hates me. GREAT.
On a day when i was kicked out of the tennis courts for no fault of mine this was just the right kind of thing to get me back into the weekend party mood. Now at a time when all my friends are happily drunk and are crashing away to glory, here i am doing what i first mentioned in this post. Craving for sympathy. For some pity. Writing a blog so that people might read it and shower sympathy on me. Now am i disgusting or am i disgusting?
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Its Over
Well ...Quiz time is over!!!
After a week of drudgery, i am now free again to explore the world of cinema and chennai night life without having to wake up before 8am the next morning. Classes are still on, but i can afford to bunk classes, cant bunk quizzes u see. The week where i had no sense of time, when the nights melted into dawns is finally over. Consuming endless amounts of caffeine and nicotine to keep the system running. Stomach upsets due to lack of sleep. And the vague taste in the mouth resulting from a mixture of stale tobacco and lack of sleep. aaahhhhh. horrible.
End of quiz time is an amazing time in my life. It brings with it some unexplainable freshness. The Chennai breeze feels cool and you are confident that you can go to the beach and come back without attempting suicide. When you can smoke for pleasure and not to prevent sleep. When Satyam beckons and Veroonas feels like walking distance away you must know that quizzes are over.
After a week of drudgery, i am now free again to explore the world of cinema and chennai night life without having to wake up before 8am the next morning. Classes are still on, but i can afford to bunk classes, cant bunk quizzes u see. The week where i had no sense of time, when the nights melted into dawns is finally over. Consuming endless amounts of caffeine and nicotine to keep the system running. Stomach upsets due to lack of sleep. And the vague taste in the mouth resulting from a mixture of stale tobacco and lack of sleep. aaahhhhh. horrible.
End of quiz time is an amazing time in my life. It brings with it some unexplainable freshness. The Chennai breeze feels cool and you are confident that you can go to the beach and come back without attempting suicide. When you can smoke for pleasure and not to prevent sleep. When Satyam beckons and Veroonas feels like walking distance away you must know that quizzes are over.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Quiz Time
Exam(we call them quizzes...probably coz they puzzle most of us most of the time) time in my college is typical. It will be an excellent case study for people studying psychology.
here is what i do during quiz time
i dont take bath for the whole quiz week and i dont shave either. that is becos it gives me a rugged worn out look. that way i atleast hope to fool some junta into beleiving that i have been studying(we call it MUGGING...apt dont u think) day in and night out. Offlate even this ploy is not working. :(
i sleep around noon and wake up when i cant sleep anymore. that would be because of all the mosquitoes that come from nowhere in the evenings and disturb me. Damn them!!!
Then i relegiously go to the coffee stall outside my hostel and have some coffee and a cigarette.
then comes the painful process of xeroxing notes. haha...u guessed right...i write no notes. For this i have to serach for some relaible guys notes. one who dosent bunk any classes and is very good at writing down whatever goes on in class. A lot of people turn up at the shop during this time. a typical conversation goes something like this.
me: started?
him: no da. just came to xerox notes.
me: where are u mugging from?
him: i have darisi's notes. i also have the text book. what abt u?.have u started?/*gives a sly smile*/
me: /*laughing*/ what do u think. ob i have not started. i dont even have the notes. macha get me a copy also da. i will pay u later.
The guy gives a dark look and moves on.
there are 4 xerox shops and they make a killing during quiz time. in fact they work more than us to get all the xeroxs done on time.
finally at around 7 i stroll into the mess, eat wahtever shit is served and go to collect my copy of the copy of the copy of the copy of the notes. yes that is how many times it has been recycled.
finally start to mug. take a half an hour break every fifteen minutes. hope that some enlightened soul comes to put fundaes to you. (that rarely happens u know). mug thru the night continuing the break routine.
sleep at 6 in the morning and wake up at 7.(now u know why i sleep in the noon ). go to the quiz 10 mins late. (it is a 50 min quiz btw...). and come out of the hall 5 mins before the quiz ends ( i would have come earlier but they dont allow people to go till it is 5 mins before the end...they firmly believe that if forced to stay in the exam hall, students have the tendency to rapidly remember what they have never studided and put it down on paper with blinding accuracy.)
then the routine continues for the next quiz. :)
and i call myself under achiever.
hehehe
that must be the worst case of self pity humanity must have ever come across.
here is what i do during quiz time
i dont take bath for the whole quiz week and i dont shave either. that is becos it gives me a rugged worn out look. that way i atleast hope to fool some junta into beleiving that i have been studying(we call it MUGGING...apt dont u think) day in and night out. Offlate even this ploy is not working. :(
i sleep around noon and wake up when i cant sleep anymore. that would be because of all the mosquitoes that come from nowhere in the evenings and disturb me. Damn them!!!
Then i relegiously go to the coffee stall outside my hostel and have some coffee and a cigarette.
then comes the painful process of xeroxing notes. haha...u guessed right...i write no notes. For this i have to serach for some relaible guys notes. one who dosent bunk any classes and is very good at writing down whatever goes on in class. A lot of people turn up at the shop during this time. a typical conversation goes something like this.
me: started?
him: no da. just came to xerox notes.
me: where are u mugging from?
him: i have darisi's notes. i also have the text book. what abt u?.have u started?/*gives a sly smile*/
me: /*laughing*/ what do u think. ob i have not started. i dont even have the notes. macha get me a copy also da. i will pay u later.
The guy gives a dark look and moves on.
there are 4 xerox shops and they make a killing during quiz time. in fact they work more than us to get all the xeroxs done on time.
finally at around 7 i stroll into the mess, eat wahtever shit is served and go to collect my copy of the copy of the copy of the copy of the notes. yes that is how many times it has been recycled.
finally start to mug. take a half an hour break every fifteen minutes. hope that some enlightened soul comes to put fundaes to you. (that rarely happens u know). mug thru the night continuing the break routine.
sleep at 6 in the morning and wake up at 7.(now u know why i sleep in the noon ). go to the quiz 10 mins late. (it is a 50 min quiz btw...). and come out of the hall 5 mins before the quiz ends ( i would have come earlier but they dont allow people to go till it is 5 mins before the end...they firmly believe that if forced to stay in the exam hall, students have the tendency to rapidly remember what they have never studided and put it down on paper with blinding accuracy.)
then the routine continues for the next quiz. :)
and i call myself under achiever.
hehehe
that must be the worst case of self pity humanity must have ever come across.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Too much dreaming is not good for health
Hi Legolas
Long time no see. Whats up man? Whats the use of having some space on the world wide web when you dont use it...
i mean u put up a blog once in like 3 months. Dont u think you are abusing blogger's good will?
And what the fuck is that name...i mean what sort of a moron comes up with a name like that. LEGOLAS...hehehe...
And what is wrong with you these days. /*shakes head sideways sighing*/ Look at you. if someone saw you 3 years ago and then saw you now again i am sure they will have difficulty reconising you. Look at your hair. look at that stupid chain around your neck. And the less said about your attitude the better. You were the typical mama's good boy. Now pch..pch./*gives a very pained look*/
No studies. no spark in your life. u never do anything. just sit in your room. smoking. one day your life will end as the cigarette ends. burnt out./*stresses this point with explicit facial expressions*/. i mean what distractions can a 20 year old have. and it is not even like you are going out with some gal. everyone runs away from you. what have you done to yourself?.
some years down the line, if your son asks you"dad what have you done in life?"..(that is if u do get married...which i doubt very much) what will you say. WHAT WILL TOU SAY?/*shouts this aloud*/ son i have learnt to put smoke rings...or son i can get drunk and still not make a fool of myself...IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY? /*again shouts*/
3 years raa...3 years...what have u done ...what have u done which you can proudly say is an achievement. by chance or by hard work (chance mostly) you have landed yourself in an esteemed institution. now the institute is ashamed of you. if given a chance i am sure they will not give you your FUCKING degree./*verbally stresses the profanity*/. Where is your mark in the institutes history(and i am not talking about your name which you have written on your room wall,with THE WALL written below it). Where are your footprints. Where is your ass print on the couch of history??!!!(what an analogy...pat pat). /*pained expression again*/.
what happened to your dreams. your ambitions and you aspirations. your motivation.(yeah!!..i am attending TIME classes). where is the brilliant engineer that was supposed to come out of here?. What happened to him? did he die? in his sorrows...created by none other than HIMSELF.
Wake up. it is never too late. start life afresh. c'mon . wake up. ....********
*****WAKE UP U BASTARD..U HAVE A SLOT TODAY...YOUR ATTENDENCE IS LOW...U HAVE TO GO...WAKE UP.*******
i wake up. look bleary eyed at aditya my room neighbour. realise i have been dreaming again and tell him. " Macha, pack da. i told varun to puts proxy for me" . and then i go back to sleep.
Long time no see. Whats up man? Whats the use of having some space on the world wide web when you dont use it...
i mean u put up a blog once in like 3 months. Dont u think you are abusing blogger's good will?
And what the fuck is that name...i mean what sort of a moron comes up with a name like that. LEGOLAS...hehehe...
And what is wrong with you these days. /*shakes head sideways sighing*/ Look at you. if someone saw you 3 years ago and then saw you now again i am sure they will have difficulty reconising you. Look at your hair. look at that stupid chain around your neck. And the less said about your attitude the better. You were the typical mama's good boy. Now pch..pch./*gives a very pained look*/
No studies. no spark in your life. u never do anything. just sit in your room. smoking. one day your life will end as the cigarette ends. burnt out./*stresses this point with explicit facial expressions*/. i mean what distractions can a 20 year old have. and it is not even like you are going out with some gal. everyone runs away from you. what have you done to yourself?.
some years down the line, if your son asks you"dad what have you done in life?"..(that is if u do get married...which i doubt very much) what will you say. WHAT WILL TOU SAY?/*shouts this aloud*/ son i have learnt to put smoke rings...or son i can get drunk and still not make a fool of myself...IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY? /*again shouts*/
3 years raa...3 years...what have u done ...what have u done which you can proudly say is an achievement. by chance or by hard work (chance mostly) you have landed yourself in an esteemed institution. now the institute is ashamed of you. if given a chance i am sure they will not give you your FUCKING degree./*verbally stresses the profanity*/. Where is your mark in the institutes history(and i am not talking about your name which you have written on your room wall,with THE WALL written below it). Where are your footprints. Where is your ass print on the couch of history??!!!(what an analogy...pat pat). /*pained expression again*/.
what happened to your dreams. your ambitions and you aspirations. your motivation.(yeah!!..i am attending TIME classes). where is the brilliant engineer that was supposed to come out of here?. What happened to him? did he die? in his sorrows...created by none other than HIMSELF.
Wake up. it is never too late. start life afresh. c'mon . wake up. ....********
*****WAKE UP U BASTARD..U HAVE A SLOT TODAY...YOUR ATTENDENCE IS LOW...U HAVE TO GO...WAKE UP.*******
i wake up. look bleary eyed at aditya my room neighbour. realise i have been dreaming again and tell him. " Macha, pack da. i told varun to puts proxy for me" . and then i go back to sleep.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Love Life. Live a Saarang
The work for me started 4 months ago. From preparing a brochure to setting targets and arriving at decent estimates. I was the Sponsorship Coordinator for what has become in the last two years, the mother of all college cultural festivals. The biggest and the best.
Most people would hold back before saying that. There are always two opinions when this issue crops up. Mood Indigo, IITB’s culturals is another contender for the “biggest and the best” title.
Speaking honestly and objectively as a third party not biased towards any of these cultural extravaganzas and as a person who has seen them both, I have to say that it is a close call. Saarang’s literary events are the best in India, while the same can be said about Mood I’s cultural events like fine arts. Saarang is the clear favorite in terms of number of participants and I can also say quality of participants. Mood Indigo scores in terms of crowd attitude. They have a more responsive audience which makes some events click.
But the single most important factor where Saarang scores and heavily at that is that it is completely student organized. From electing and choosing our Cultural representatives to planning the festival in its entirety, it is all done by US. We the students. The pleasure we get in organizing and conducting this cultural milestone year after year is immeasurable.
Take my case. Unlike most other coordinators my work started very early. Almost 4 to 5 months before the actual beginning of the festival. Initially it comprised a lot of bull work. Collecting contacts and going over them. The real work began some 3 months before Saarang. The process of contacting companies, making out a tailor made proposal for them. Something that attracts them. Something that shows that Saarang has a lot to offer.
Fixing up a meeting with prospective sponsors. The thrill of negotiating. Imagine 20 year olds talking in Lakhs of rupees. Man I really felt like some big shot industrialist when I was negotiating. The adrenaline surge as u take decisions on your own. Decisions involving lakhs of rupees. And finally the kick and pleasure in closing a deal. Signing on the dotted line on a stamped paper. *Phew*. It was one orgasmic journey.
There are a million other things. Friends who till then chided you for bunking classes come up to you buy you a cigarette and ask" How much is Nokia giving for Main spons da?" and you reply " dude the figures cant be revealed" like some legal hotshot. hehehe. Juniors coming up to you and asking for volships. Bossing over them. Wearing your badge proudly. Infinitesimal things which make u infinetely happy.
And during Saarang. The satisfaction of seeing your work bear fruit. When the big cheques come rolling in. When everything goes almost well. (whats life without a few hiccups). The sponsors crib and u negotiate again to satisfy them. Finally the ultimate moment. When they call u at the end of it all say that they are pleased with what has happened and would like to come I as a sponsor again next year. Ah that is the moment of glory.
I must honestly agree that I don’t know how Mood Indigo is organized. I don’t know if IITB students also go through this exciting journey. If they experience the same ups and downs. If they do then well and good. If they don’t them I hope they realize what they are missing.
Most people would hold back before saying that. There are always two opinions when this issue crops up. Mood Indigo, IITB’s culturals is another contender for the “biggest and the best” title.
Speaking honestly and objectively as a third party not biased towards any of these cultural extravaganzas and as a person who has seen them both, I have to say that it is a close call. Saarang’s literary events are the best in India, while the same can be said about Mood I’s cultural events like fine arts. Saarang is the clear favorite in terms of number of participants and I can also say quality of participants. Mood Indigo scores in terms of crowd attitude. They have a more responsive audience which makes some events click.
But the single most important factor where Saarang scores and heavily at that is that it is completely student organized. From electing and choosing our Cultural representatives to planning the festival in its entirety, it is all done by US. We the students. The pleasure we get in organizing and conducting this cultural milestone year after year is immeasurable.
Take my case. Unlike most other coordinators my work started very early. Almost 4 to 5 months before the actual beginning of the festival. Initially it comprised a lot of bull work. Collecting contacts and going over them. The real work began some 3 months before Saarang. The process of contacting companies, making out a tailor made proposal for them. Something that attracts them. Something that shows that Saarang has a lot to offer.
Fixing up a meeting with prospective sponsors. The thrill of negotiating. Imagine 20 year olds talking in Lakhs of rupees. Man I really felt like some big shot industrialist when I was negotiating. The adrenaline surge as u take decisions on your own. Decisions involving lakhs of rupees. And finally the kick and pleasure in closing a deal. Signing on the dotted line on a stamped paper. *Phew*. It was one orgasmic journey.
There are a million other things. Friends who till then chided you for bunking classes come up to you buy you a cigarette and ask" How much is Nokia giving for Main spons da?" and you reply " dude the figures cant be revealed" like some legal hotshot. hehehe. Juniors coming up to you and asking for volships. Bossing over them. Wearing your badge proudly. Infinitesimal things which make u infinetely happy.
And during Saarang. The satisfaction of seeing your work bear fruit. When the big cheques come rolling in. When everything goes almost well. (whats life without a few hiccups). The sponsors crib and u negotiate again to satisfy them. Finally the ultimate moment. When they call u at the end of it all say that they are pleased with what has happened and would like to come I as a sponsor again next year. Ah that is the moment of glory.
I must honestly agree that I don’t know how Mood Indigo is organized. I don’t know if IITB students also go through this exciting journey. If they experience the same ups and downs. If they do then well and good. If they don’t them I hope they realize what they are missing.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
the goal of philosophy
the goal of pholosophy is the search for happiness. The purpose of finding the eternal truth is to attain eternal happiness.
humans all over the world and since times immemorial have tried to be happy. but this has been disrupted by desire and ambition. people who dont have the means or the capabilities to attain their ambitions are unhappy. this has been the root of the philosophy of detachment. shunning all worldly desires and material wealth. this can lead to happiness.
a person who has the ability to chase his dreams successfully is happy. but success leads to more desire and whatever be the capabilities of the individual, there comes a time when he can achieve no more. that is when unhappiness creeps into his life.
a person who knows his limitations and who has the control and discipline to will his mind to do his bidding is always happy. in my opinion he is the one who knows the eternal truth. he is the one closest to GOD.
controling the desire for success, after tasting it is a very difficult thing to do. therefore the whole philosophy of relenquishing desires arises. this concept though sounds crude and mythical is in my opinion the best way to achieve happiness or in other words salvation.
humans all over the world and since times immemorial have tried to be happy. but this has been disrupted by desire and ambition. people who dont have the means or the capabilities to attain their ambitions are unhappy. this has been the root of the philosophy of detachment. shunning all worldly desires and material wealth. this can lead to happiness.
a person who has the ability to chase his dreams successfully is happy. but success leads to more desire and whatever be the capabilities of the individual, there comes a time when he can achieve no more. that is when unhappiness creeps into his life.
a person who knows his limitations and who has the control and discipline to will his mind to do his bidding is always happy. in my opinion he is the one who knows the eternal truth. he is the one closest to GOD.
controling the desire for success, after tasting it is a very difficult thing to do. therefore the whole philosophy of relenquishing desires arises. this concept though sounds crude and mythical is in my opinion the best way to achieve happiness or in other words salvation.
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